I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
