I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
