And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
