I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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