from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
