The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
