Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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