sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
