he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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