perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
