I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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