so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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