tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
