I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
