You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Damn victory sex feels great
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
