I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
