Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
