Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
