So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
