they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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