Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
