he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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