He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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