so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
