Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
