You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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