it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
