My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Randomize
