Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
