I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
