You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
