is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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