dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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