That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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