She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
