Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
