I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
