To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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