O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
