you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
