She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
