People in love make me want to vomit
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
