the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
