Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
