Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
