Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
