Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
