WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Semen is not good for contacts.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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