People with herpes should wear stickers.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
