hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
