She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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