also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
