i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
