i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
