Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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