My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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